Mono-Poly Coaching Support Group

What do you do when your partner wants non-monogamy and you don’t? Or what if you are deeply in love with your partner and want to stay together – and you also want to be with other people?

The explosion of interest in polyamory, swinging, open relationships, and other forms of consensual or ethical nonmonogamy over the last 15 years has created a wave of people facing the CNM/mono mismatch where one partner wants monogamy and the other wants CNM.

Some couples have been together for years and one has been suppressing the desire for multiple partners, and other relationships have formed more recently and are trying to decide how/if they should move forward. Either way, people who are navigating the CNM/mono mismatch often face similar issues, share common experiences, and benefit from each other’s advice and companionship.

This group is for anyone with relationship issues related to a mismatch in the desire for CNM and their partners. We offer judgement-free support for wherever people fall in the wide spectrum of singular/plural relating.

This group is inclusive of all stages of gender exploration, sexual orientations, and neurotypes, and meets virtually every week for 6 weeks. 

6 Sessions Running Weekly

April 30 - June 4, 2024

7:00 - 8:30 PM EST, Virtual Meetings

4/30 Session 1: Is singularity/multiplicity an orientation? Choice? Something else?

We'll make introductions to the group and each other, hear Dr. Eli's perspective and background, and discuss the issue of desire for singular or multiple partners. What drives it? Where does it come from?

5/7 Session 2: Healing from past pain; cheating, fears of inadequacy, feelings of being stunted or misled

How did we get here? What happened in the past to set the stage for where we are now, and how can we move beyond the past pain to create something that works better?

5/14 Session 3: How is everything else? Holistic relationship assessment

We'll check in about money, sex, housework, emotions, kids, religion, work, all the major areas of potential conflict. If everything else is in great shape, then it is easier to manage the mono/CNM mismatch. If nothing is working well, then the mixed orientation might be the breaking point.

5/21 Session 4: What do we really want from this relationship? Identifying individual and relationship wishes

Why does the mono person want monogamy, and what do they want to get out of it? Why do they NOT want CNM? Why does the CNM person want openness? What do they NOT want from exclusivity?

5/28 Session 5: Us vs the issue; reframing the focus and letting go of blame

How do we create couple/group solidarity to deal with difficult issues? We are on the same side and trying to deal with a mismatch. This is not something we are doing TO each other but something our relationship is experiencing.

6/4 Session 6: How exactly do we move ahead? Strategies for managing an ongoing relationship

Is it possible to find a middle ground? What is the ideal, and what can you tolerate? Both people will have to stretch out of their comfort zones to make it work, so where can you accommodate each other, and where do you have deal breaker boundaries? We'll get specific about sex, emotion, money, time, location, information, and other areas you identify.

Your Facilitator: Dr. Eli Sheff, Ph.D.

Dr. Elisabeth "Eli" Sheff (she/her) has researched polyamorous families with children for over 25 years. She is the author of four books, 30+ peer-reviewed publications, and 130+ blogs on Psychology Today, with 10+ years’ experience coaching people facing challenges with CNM and BDSM. Dr. Eli specializes in the mono/CNM mismatch because she processed and studied her own fear as the mono partner in two CNM/mono marriages. Her super-power is combining research findings and trends gleaned from her coaching practice with personal insights to understand if, when, and how mono/CNM relationships can work or not.

Register Now!

Choose your registration level based on whether you're joining the group solo or with one or more partners (who are sharing a screen). Either way, you'll get access to every session, any resources or materials uploaded to the group site, and the virtual community space here that allows you to talk to all the group members between sessions.